Every shirt, mug, or other fine American-made artifact you order is crafted just for you — like a burrito, but with more thread. So no returns or refunds, I’m afraid.
Unless it shows up lookin’ like it got run over by a Sherman tank, then we’ll talk.
We don’t have a warehouse full of elves — each item’s made fresh, like biscuits at a church breakfast. Usually ships in 2–7 business days, plus a little travel time.
Sit tight — good things take time and a bit of sass.
Check the size chart, my friend. Don’t go guessin’ like you’re pickin’ a raffle ticket at the VFW.
These shirts are true to size, but your belly might be bolder than last year.
Shipping? Oh that’s on us.
Free as a bald eagle on the 4th of July.
You just sit back, sip your coffee, and wait for the goods to roll in.
These beauties are made-to-order, not grabbed off a dusty shelf.
We usually ship within 2–7 business days, then the mail folks take it from there.
They’ll get it to you in a jiffy.
Once your package ships, we’ll send you a tracking link so you can stalk it like a celery stick at a potluck — crisp, determined, and mildly concerned.
If it’s taking too long, give us a shout and we’ll rustle the bushes.
